Thank You!!!

... my dear friends for all your encouraging, inspiring messages!! i really feel i'm among friends here :o)

who knows what the future will hold, but i'm ready for it...

the OT (Occupational Therapist) who came to do my physio exercises this afternoon was new to me, but she recognized me from my hospital stay - Nick and the kids used to push me around the hospital in an evening to stop me going stir-crazy in my little room. she was amazed at how far i've progressed in four and a half months, which was encouraging!!!

i'd hard when each day pretty much feels like the one before, but her ooohs and ahhhs at all i could do for myself really encouraged me! i just have to focus on what i have learnt since the stroke - talking, walking, washing, dressing, reading, operating the computer, writing with my left hand, making my lunch - and not on all the multi-tasking i used to do each waking moment before it...

so with your lovely support in blogland, and the daily exercises, i feel i can make it. it's so much easier to travel a hard and difficult road when you're in such good company - thank you!!!!!!!!!

My Passionate Life

This is 'officially' my last day of this wonderful project - but hopefully not the last day of my sacred life... :o)

I have been so enriched by the blogs of the inspiring, interesting, creative people i've 'met' over the past month - long may it continue!!!

Talking of inspiring, creative people - i've been indulging in some serious TV time... i simply adore The House of Eliott, the BBC series from the 1990s - the clothes, the beautiful people, the story-lines, the social history...

And i've realized it's about time i admitted how important interesting, creative people are to me; how important art, literature, the whole arty-farty (my dad's word for it!) shebang are to my soul - i've denied it all for far too long...

I've been given the next year or more to recover from this stroke - the time we all wish life would give us to do what we really want to do without having to worry about work, paying the bills, etc. - i honestly don't know what/how/where it will take me, but i'm determined to give my tender soul the sacred nourishment it needs!

to be honest i'm rather frightened of wearing my heart on my sleeve, baring my soul. so my friends and family can really see it - and being brave enough to take the ridicule i fear will come from some quarters - but i know i have to do it!!

i have to do what i keep writing in my journal:

I WANT TO LIVE MY PASSION

and i happen to believe that when i actually admit what i'm passionate about, the whys and wherefores of my life will fall into place...

Hand of Grace

i have been touched by grace today - literally!!

i received this beautiful necklace in the mail from Gina... she offered it on her blog a few weeks ago - and i won it!! i'm so blessed!!

i will wear it every day to remind me everything that touches my soul is an expression of divine love...

I dream of turtle

i usually don't remember my dreams.... but this happened to me last week as i dozed...

i was swimming in a gorgeous lake, enjoying the lush surroundings, the cool water and the sun on my body. suddenly a large turtle swam up to me and said (of course turtles talk in dreams!):

'why don't you swim to the bottom of the lake? it's beautiful down there!'
'i can't hold my breathe that long,' i replied.
'take this shell, put it to your mouth and you'll be able to breathe for as long as you like.'

so i did! he swam alongside me, and pointed out the wonders of the lake bed - the fish, the coral, the silence...

suddenly, he pointed out a large clam shell, 'take it,' he instructed.
'i can't take something from the lake bed!' i exclaimed, 'it's theft!'
'no, it's for you - take it!'

i scooped up the shell, and as suddenly as he appeared turtle swam away and i was aware i was being drawn up to the surface...

when i emerged, i realized i was much closer to the shore, so i swam and pulled myself up the bank. as the sun dried me, i found a stone and prized open the clam...

inside was not a single pearl, but a whole necklace!!! i immediately put it on, and laid back to feel the sun's warmth and try and fathom what i had just experienced...

when i woke up in my chair, i was convinced i had a necklace on... and knew i had to get a turtle!!! i found this little fella on ebay straightaway, and he arrived next day...

i just love his face, i know he's asking me so many questions: to look deeper in my soul, to learn to breathe underwater without fear, to expect and find real, beautiful treasures, to share these pearls of wisdom...

i also found a lot of info on turtle medicine... and i know i'll be seeking and finding turtle's wisdom for me throughout the days and weeks to come...

wow!! what a blessed dream!!!

No surprises here!

I took this fun little test i found on Mary's blog. she was shocked to find herself 'midnight' :o)

no such surprises for me - it's pretty much spot on!!!

YOU ARE SUNRISE

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life.

You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.

You are a person of reflection and meditation.

You start and end every day by looking inward.

Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy.

You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.

All in all, you know how to love life for what it is -

not for how it should be.

You can take the test here. let me know what time of day you are :o)

Special Friendships

two years ago, my dear friend Jane left Boston (in Lincs, not the US!!) for the isle of Mull (in Scotland), to marry John and run a B&B. it's the most beautiful place - i've seen photos - and from their house, on a clear day!!, they can see the holy island of Iona...

on saturday i received a parcel from her - in it were shells from the beach marked the north side of the map of Iona called Traigh Ban nam Manach (The White Strand of the Monks) and pebbles from the west coast of the island called Camus Cul an t-Saimh (The Bay at the Back of the Ocean).

Jane knows i soooo want to visit Iona (and her and John, of course!) and experience the 'thin places' for myself - where the veil between our world and Spirit is so thin we can touch Spirit - and so she wanted me to feel closer to them in my own home...

i made this little centre piece for the table - i wish i had space to create a special altar for it, but the focus in our house is the kitchen table, and the focus of this My Sacred Life project is to find Spirit in the everyday!

i will replace the candle every day and burn it to celebrate the beautiful friends i have, the love we share and the chance to connect with Spirit and discover the 'thin places' in my own home...

What a precious gift!! Bless you, dear Jane!!

Spoiling Myself

i know... i know... here i go again spending money i don't have... but when i was in hospital, i promised my soul i would treat her to one of misty mawn's paintings... i have been enchanted by her artwork for over a year now...

the girl in the painting is soooooo beautiful, so wistful, i just love everything about her... the words (you can just see them in the second photo on the bottom left) - early in the morning, many years ago - reminded me of my morning walks - i miss them so much...

there were so many surprises in the package - not only was the painting beautifully tied with ribbon, including some paper-thin leaves tucked in, misty had written two lovely cards, included two yummy Tazo teabags - zen and dajeeling AND sent me a print of another picture (bottom photo). what a beautiful, generous soul she is!!

so here i sit surrounded by exquisite soul-filling art, my first day of absolute solitude since i came home 6 weeks ago... i know my precious boy and girl are safe at school - they both had such a good first day back yesterday!!! nick, my dear hubbie, is at work and my dad - who's been helping out over the summer - is back at home having a well-earned rest!!

so i am alone, my heart is full, and i am at peace...

Proud mama

my gorgeous boy ready for the next stage in his life...

can you believe he's only 11???!!! he's so tall and broad in his smart new blazer. and don't you just love the first attempt at tying a proper tie??

he started the local grammar school today. of course, we got there far too early... of course, he didn't want us to wait with him... of course, i didn't cry in front of him...

oh to be a mama!! every stage of the journey is about separation - from the moment they are born...

surely this is the most sacred part of our lives as mothers - to feel the depth of love, and pride and hurt in equal measure all the days of our lives...

Deep Love

precious pictures of our three children ...

our first baby, connie, was still-born at 29 weeks in 1993 - she would be 14 now ...

our gorgeous boy is almost 12 (on the 25th) - he goes to secondary school in two days' time (gulp!!) ...

our poppet is 9 and three-quarters(!) - she adores mangoes ...

we have been soooooo blessed. every day i give thanks ... my soul has widened and deepened each day i've been a mother ... and my heart is a cavern of love ...

Memories

twenty years ago this week i landed in a strange land...

me, who had never been on a plane, never needed a passport, arrived in kenya for a year's teaching at a bible college in machakos - a small town an hour's drive south of nairobi.

aged 23 i was fearless... of course the stranger i'd met the year before at a international prayer conference in london was who he said he was - the vice-principal of a bible college; of course there was a teaching post waiting for me; of course i wasn't going to get sick - i'd had all my injections...

indeed this was to be one of the best years of my life - i had my own little house on the temperate, shady college compound - with a 'proper' bathroom - the water came on twice a day for an hour; i learnt i could make up a curriculum from scratch in a week; i travelled the country on buses and in the back of a friend's pick up - lake victoria, mount kenya, the tea plantations of limuru; mombasa - three times!!; mount kilimanjaro; and numerous small villages i never knew the name of, but i knew the humbling hospitality of students' families who always put on a feast - and sent me home with armfuls of gifts...

and to top it all off, i met nick - all the way from california working with a water charity... all very Out of Africa... could it really be twenty years ago????

i bought this oil painting from a street vendor in nairobi the last week of my stay. i nearly didn't buy it - the cost would keep my kenyan friends in food for a month... but i knew i needed a reminder of all those market days in the town - all the colours, smells, noises... and yes, the money would keep the artist's family in food for the next month!

it hangs in our front room - as it has hung in all our front rooms both in california and in england - a daily reminder of the adventures we both had that year, all the beautiful sights we saw, all the precious friends we met...

and a reminder that everyone knows whose been to africa - whether you contract malaria or not (thankfully we didn't!!!) - africa gets in your bloodstream, and it is with you for the rest of your life...

Prayer...

... is personal, and the beads are a device for building meaningful ritual into our lives...

dear deborah included this quote from a string and a prayer along with my custom-made story beads. i knew as soon as i saw carla's writing beads, i needed to get a set...

and the universe knew i needed them pronto - they arrived on friday, a matter of days after deb posted them halfway around the world!! they arrived in time for the 1st of september, the first month of autumn...

if you can see in the photo, the beads are divided into seasons (lilac for spring, blue for summer, red for autumn, brown for winter, and a pearl for the 13th lunar month). each bead is separated with a spacer - too remind me to breathe...

in between each set of three is a charm - a celtic heart to remind me love is the most important thing; a spiral to remind me that love is infinite; a goddess charm to focus my mind on all the body work and healing i need to do; an owl to remind me of owl medicine - change, death, grieving, wisdom and seeing into the dark places of my soul...; a bear to remind me of bear medicine - to be still, to go into my cave and rest and be ready for the spring...

on one end are seven green beads to remind me to take one day at a time, and healing hand charms to embrace the oak leaf of strength and the desire to create - an important part of my healing process...

on the other end is a charm that deb didn't know why it wanted to be included, it just did... i think she is the roman goddess maia after which the month of may is named. she is the spring goddess bringing new life and renewal - and of course she wanted to be placed at the end where the lilac beads of spring begin...

WOW!!! i think you can see why i needed to get them!!!

these beautiful beads will now be with me every day, and every day of my sacred life, i will pray...

and bless you, dear deborah, for imbuing these beauitful beads with so much of your own soul...