Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wellness Wednesday: Questions...????

I feel as if i've been on retreat this week... my lovely dad took the kids home with him at the weekend - their first sleep-over at grandpa's since they were little (he recently bought two single beds so they could stay - what a hero!!!)
so while nick's been at work, i've had total solitude for almost 10 hours a day... and this wonderful book has been keeping me company :o) here's a sample:

what question is at the heart of your pilgrimage and your life? what question were you put here to understand? we’re after questions that do not arise solely from the intellect but from a crying need to know, an existential thirst... what is my purpose? to whom do I belong? what can I believe in? who are my teachers? what is the name of the dragon in my life? what changes must I make? how can I use my talents? how can I serve the world? where am I going and how can I get there?... (p. 151)

these types of questions have been in my mind my whole life, i realized. i've always been a seeker, a pilgrim, a wondering wanderer...

occasionally i've found short-term answers - reading thomas hardy's jude the obscure (oh, the irony in this book title!!) aged 14 and knowing i wanted to go to oxford, and enjoying every minute of my 3 years there... childhood dreams of africa coming to fruition aged 22 when i raised the money to live and teach in kenya for a year... dreams of marriage and more foreign travel when i met Nick, an american, there... dreams of motherhood which took 7 years of loss and heartbreak to become two beautiful, amazing children...

but now, aged 44, recovering from the stroke, i'm brimful of questions... from my journal just yesterday:

all I’ve accomplished this morning – sorting more books to list on amazon, doing one speech test on the tablet pc, and making a cup of coffee – has left me exhausted!!! will I ever get back to ‘normal’ health? will I ever stop feeling so exhausted all the time? will I ever be able to write, work, contribute to my family and justify my existence?? how can you plan anything when you have no energy to carry it out?

and as i've been realizing deep in my soul for the last few years, i already know the answers...

I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer

(Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet 1903 )


At 7:10 pm , Blogger Kai said...

Morning sweetie, hows things in your neck of the woods Claire?
Mr Dan and I are off to New Mexico tomorrow.. I should pick up this book to take and read :)

Peace, Kai

At 8:27 pm , Blogger Lisa said...

So many questions! I am a seeker, too, always have been. I'm in a peaceful place now and am grateful. Much, much love to you. (I've been a horrible blogger but I'm making my way down the glitter sister list today and tomorrow. lol

At 12:00 pm , Blogger poppy m said...

Hi there,
This was in my inbox today & i thought of your post!

“Within sorrow is grace. When we come close to those things that break us down, we touch those things that also break us open. And in that breaking open, we uncover our true nature.”

—Wayne Muller; author, therapist, minister


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